I am a garbage person.

Yesterday I was pescetarian and today I was vegetarian. And I feel like complete shit.

Today didn’t start out vegan, but I didn’t have time to make a smoothie and couldn’t fathom more oatmeal. I needed coffee so I ended up driving away from Starbucks with a drink and a bagel and cream cheese (does anyone eat a bagel without cream cheese? If so, hit me up). I’m always still amazed at/proud of myself for not getting a bacon, egg + cheese sandwich when I’m here that I give myself props. Always.

You’ll see that I can typically find a way to praise myself, so I did once again at lunch when I AVOIDED FREE CHICK-FIL-A and ate poptarts instead. Poptarts. For lunch. As you can imagine, this made me feel shitty – a comedown from the earlier praise I gave myself and also my organs were shrinking from lack of nutrients. The obvious next step was to eat a cookie. But I had no choice – someone brought in free Tiff’s Treats and I’m pretty sure God smites you if you turn down free Tiff’s Treats. So I ate one. And continued to feel deliriously shitty.

So what do I eat next to help turn this shitty feeling around? Cheeetos. Of course. “But they’re baked!” I tell myself, followed by more praise. I now feel worse and I’m also spiraling. Now I’m sitting at work, somehow doing my job but barely holding on, when my coworker rounds up a small group to get more cookies. I’m very much a follower, so I happily oblige.

(The actual situation:

Coworker: wanna go get another cookie?

Me: okay.)

I ended up getting a brownie – the one thing in this world better than their cookies – and all of a sudden there isn’t enough water in the world to quench my thirst. And I’m shaking. And I’m somehow already having a sugar crash even though I got gypped out of the sugar high??

I crawl to the end of the work day and it’s finally dinner time. Real food, vegetables, fruit. Hell, even bread at this point will suffice. But NOPE. Boyfriend and I end up going to Chuys, land of cheese. And margaritas. I thought I was doing so well ordering a Chuychanga with veggies instead of chicken.

IMG_8339

But our waitress decides to spring it on me that their QUESO ISN’T VEGETARIAN. It’s made with chicken stock. WHAT THE HELL, MAN. So my very good (and praise-filled) sugar-ridden-but-vegetarian day was ALL A LIE. AND NOW I’M ALL YELLY ABOUT IT. WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE.

And I realized why I’m trying to be vegan and not just vegetarian. Every day of my vegetarian life would be just like this one: full of sugar + cheese and devoid of any nutrients. I wanna be happy but I also don’t wanna die over a damn spinach leaf.

Tomorrow I plan to grocery shop, eat vegan and turn my life around. Easy enough.

One thought on “I am a garbage person.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s