I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.

I will not be eating vegan this weekend. My friend is getting married and I want to celebrate her properly – and this involves copious amounts of alcohol and hangover food. Hangover food is not plants. But let’s be honest, do you really think I’ve been eating vegan since Monday?

Tuesday started off pretty normal/vegan. With a smoothie. AKA the only vegan meal I’ve actually made twice. And then guess what happened at lunch – I MADE A VEGAN GRILLED CHEESE SAMMICH. To be fair, the only thing vegan about this meal was the cheese.

“Whaaaa???” you’re definitely asking yourself right now, “vegan cheese you say?”

Thank you Kate Roberts for giving me the heads up about Follow Your Heart cheese because you were right, it melts. It melts real nice. It doesn’t feel or smell like cheese, but if you drench anything in enough butter and tomato soup it’ll become whatever you want. And it didn’t exactly act like cheese either. The vegan cheese didn’t fully melt in the pan, which is fine since the bread was burning before I could wait long enough, but throw that thing in the microwave and chez (what I’ve just decided I’m calling vegan cheese because typing and reading vegan cheese is already super old) was dripping down the sides in 10 seconds flat. The only odd thing about it was the chez seemed to disappear? Did it evaporate? Did it seep into the bread? Did it run away because it knows I used real butter on the bread?

Regardless, the partially vegan grilled cheese was a success. It put me in full-on what-else-can-I-cook-vegan mode. But then boyfriend and I realized we had to go to the mall after I got off work to get wedding stuff, so no cooking for me. We went a totally opposite direction and got mall court food. BUT I ATE A VEGETABLE. LOOK AT IT. Suck it, mall.

There’s an assload of fried rice under there.

After my kind of vegan, definitely vegetarian day, I’m feeling back on track. So why not ruin it by getting a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast on Wednesday? I needed coffee from Starbucks and couldn’t do the oatmeal again, I just couldn’t. But I’m trying to be vegetarian when I fail at vegan so points for me so far. Ish. At lunch I got Chipotle-the same burrito bowl but I didn’t fuck it up with the sofritas this time. I ate at 4:00 so I was still full when we went to a friend’s birthday thing at a bar later, but I did need a snack of some kind. The place was essentially a meat, seafood and cheese filled menu, but I found one item I could eat: hushpuppies! Fuckin’ love hushpuppies. Im sure they’re probably not even vegan from the batter or something, but I’m counting this as a win.

Then it came crashing down. I got out of the damn OrangeTheory class this morning and was starving. I’ve covered my need for actual food after these classes, but a sad dinner of hushpuppies the night before made the need much worse. So I got a bacon, Gouda, and egg sandwich. Because I hate myself I guess? Or I love myself and want to taste good things? I don’t know but it happened and I’m not proud of it. So for lunch I went vegan and had fruity pebbles. Those are vegan.

And now begins my very not vegan weekend. I had a Schlotzkey’s sandwich for dinner to kick it off, so I can’t imagine I’ll have much positive to report back.

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